As i accessed Austin this morning, this cold morning, missed the first attempt.. grrr i thought to myself, i have so much to get done before we leave to get the kids to school on time.
Second go, was great, done and dusted, the iv med of kogentate went through beautifully, and we could get on with the morning, knowing my 7 yr old son Austin was covered for the rest of the day, and could bump himself like the rest of the lads at school, and be fine :) what a blessed relief that is.
On the way to school (driving) i thought about this access. I thought about how far i have come from the day of Austins diagnosis, many many years ago. How accessing is now a part of our daily life, but how different my life has turned out from how i imagined. If after giving birth, holding that beautiful little boy in my arms, someone would have told me that i would need to access his veins on a daily basis for him to have a 'normal' life in school and play, i would have thought - "there is just no way i can handle that".
And yet, here i am. And i am stronger through it.
I started thinking about how important our veins are, they are a life source, carrying what is needed for life around every part of our body, with the help of the heart... Wonderfully made.
I thought about if we missed the vein, it is no use trying to push through the meds, as that would only damage the tissues surrounding. And the medication simply won't get to where it is needed to heal, to protect.
How often in our walk do we try to push through what we believe in, our truth on others, without first making sure we are connected in a way it will get to their heart? because today it was like 'pooof' - that makes so much sense, if we are not connected to the blood source, we only cause harm.
The past few months have been a bit stormy, with John (our 2 yr old) developing an inhibitor, having port surgery in Auckland (2 and half hours away from home) then having a reaction to the stitches and needing to go back to Auckland just 3 weeks after the surgery for iv antibiotics and a close watch on the port to determine whether it needed to be removed. It didn't - Praise God!
Still, having our very precious family split has opened my eyes to a few things. I stayed home (being 9 months pregnant i could not have kept up with John on the ward) with our 3 other children, whilst Andy went to Auckland with John. This was one of the hardest things for me, i felt so torn between caring for my little boy, and being there and maintaining 'normal' for the other children.
Anyway what did i learn?
Firstly how lonely it can get in the evenings without my best bud Andy (husband) to chat and laugh and solve the worlds problems with.
It opened my eyes to single parenting, i take my hat off to you women (and men) who do this as their 'normal' . You must develop a certain strength within i imagine. It opened my eyes a little to how it could be for my friends who are not yet married, and i want you beautiful women to know that our door is always open, just rock on over, no invite needed. You lovely ladies are family to us.
I have also been witness to a beautiful kindness in our friends, thank you for dinner. thank you for baking. thank you for company, thank you for passing the tissues. Thank you for praying with me. Thank you for standing in faith with us. Thank you.
Here are a couple of pictures of my Eden (red top) and Austin (Red top) running cross country this week at school. It was quite wet, and yet they ran their race.
People, it doesn't matter if you come first or last, but run your race, finish your race, and finish well. Even when it is raining so much you can barely see... keep going, "this too shall pass"